The Cullens funny random stuff D Edward and Bella
by Running-with-humans94
Summary: A lot of funny, random stuff aith Twilight :D *NOT SPOILER* :D What if forks high school have cooking in school.. what can happen in detension ? ; YOU HAVE TO LAUGTH OUT ! :D sorry about my engish. it is soo funny ;D more fun in secnond chapter ;D
1. screaming!

The Cullens

Chapter 1. Screaming:

ÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆ!!! Edward and Alice came running down the stairs screaming

"WHAT?" everyone asked

"I need Bella!" Edward screamed

"I need shopping!" Alice screamed

Then they bought run off…

_15 min and a confused Bella, screaming Edward and the Cullen's home later._

BPOV:

ÆÆÆÆÆÆÆ!!! Edward screamed all the way to my house, in my house and in Charlie's face so we had to run before he could get his gun, and then Edward screamed all the way back to his house too!

"STOP SCREAMING!" I scouted when we walked in to the house.

In the house everything was messed up. All the furniture's in the living room were sett up so someone could hide behind it. When we locked around it 4 scared vampires locked up and screamed to us. Alice was back. With new clothes. " WE ALL GOING DIE!!" Alice, Emmett, Jasper and Rosalie screamed.

I was confused… what could be the Cullen's greatest fear?!?

_A long time and a house full of screaming vampires, a not so confused__ anymore Bella later…_

"I'm better than you, I'm better than you, I'm better than you, I'm better than you, I sung as I danced around the living room.

Edward tried to read everyone's mind (like that will help)… Jasper constantly changed everyone's feelings, Alice had new visions and (screaming) she told us what will happen in 10 seconds, every 5 second… Emmett and Rosalie was running around on the floor until Emmett sat down and went back and fourth saying, "it is not real, it is not real, it is not real, it is not real."

Then Carlisle and Esme came home.

"What the (here came a very special little word) is going on here!?" Carlisle said confused.

"WE WILL HAVE COOKING IN SCHOOL THIS YEAR!!!" Everyone screamed.

Then everyone but me started to scream again. Carlisle and Esme tried to calm Rosalie down… She was going trough walls now and breaking all the furniture's.

_Some time and a not screaming Cullen family later._

Carlisle had finally stop the screaming by saying:

"I'M TAKING YOU ALL TO THE THERAPY CENTRE WE WENT TO SOME TIME AGO!!"

"You wouldn't dare" Alice said.

"Oh yes I would" Carlisle answered.

"No, it is OK. We just let Jasper kill him like last time." Emmett said.

" YOU GUYS ARE MEAN!! I NEVER MEND TO HURT THAT OTHER ONE!! Jasper screamed running to his room.

Everyone started laughing, and we fall over when we heard that he put on _spice girls_ and started talking to his teddy bear. Alice run up to him as soon she had stop laughing.

_3 days later and first day of school with COOKING._

I had cooking with Edward and Alice. YEAY!!

When we got into the kitchen I smelled food. Alice and Edward stayed close to me and locked scared. We had ms. Pumpkin in cooking (We al wonder if it was just the fact that she looked like a pumping or if the parents had fun with the name.)

She putts us in groups of four. Me, Alice, Edward and Angela in one group.

OK, I can cook. Edward and Alice didn't' want to touch anything in the room. And Angela couldn't cook, at all. I mean she couldn't even boil water without let it get burn. I mean it how can you burn water? But she did it. It was big black spots in the bottom. Anyway ower fist task was to make tomato soup, whit a bag. You just had to boil water and but the stuff in it.

Edward and Alice standing in a corner, screaming when I came to them with a tomato. Angela constantly trying to help me but ended up with tomato in her face. And then silly me tripped in my own legs and Edward saving me but got all the finish soup spilled on him self! Edward screamed and fell down to the floor constantly tried to rub the soup of. Alice standing in the corner in shock over her brother. I tried to apologize and Angela rolling down on the floor laughing, and Edward screamed " IT LOOK'S LIKE BLOOD!!"

Alice started screaming for help and help got there. Meaning that Jasper came. He stood in shock and then grabs Alice and they both run away screaming.

Then ms. Pumping came with the principal and we all got detection.


	2. Detention and the mysterious path

Chapter 2 Detention and the mysterious path :

Me, Edward, Alice, Jasper, Angela, a _big scary guy_ and a _dead guy_ in detection.

"Hello" I whisper to _big scary guy_, "what did you do?"

"I killed that guy" he answered, pointing to the _dead guy_ in the corner.

"Oh" I said back.

Then _dead guy_ screamed and waved with his arm, making everyone scream.

"Shut up" _big scary guy_ said. And _dead guy_ lay down and was silent again.

Edward, still with tomato soup on him, came to sit with me. He wispherd in my ear" is the tomato stilt her?"

"No" I answered, making him look down and then scream when he saw the tomato.

I laughed. And Edward cried. Then Japer cried to feeling too much sadness form Edward. Alice joined in feeling sorry for Jasper. D_ead guy_ cried to (in silent.)

I patted Edward's head and he looked up to me. Then I stared to cri as well and we all cried until _big scary guy_ punched us all in the face to make us stop. I was the only one to notice the punch. Edward, Alice and Jasper var vampires and didn't feel it at all. And the _dead guy_ was so dead that he didn't feel anything.

A loooong boring time later:

I know a song that get's you angry, I know a song that get's you angry, I know a song that get's you angry, and I am singing it now. I know a song that get's you angry…

We all sang to the teacher who was watching us. He got so annoyed he left the room and wee all climbed out the window. Except the _dead guy_. He in a mysteries way fell out the top window.

We all got in a line with _big scary guy_ first holding _dead guy_, then Edward, me, Alice and Jasper and we sang like dwarfs in ower way in the mysterious little path.

"Hi ho, hi ho we are out to go. Thatatathatatathatatatathaaaa Hi ho, hi ho we are out to go. Thatatathatatathatatatathaaaa, Hi ho, hi ho we are out to go. Thatatathatatathatatatathaaaa."

In the deep dark forest none of us could see longer than ower hands. Except the vampires who could see lake it was a sunny day on the beach.

When we had being going for a half an hour we stopped and then a werewolf came out in front of us. "Hi Jacob" we all shouted and he change himself into a human.

AAAAAAH everyone screamed!!! Put some clothes on!!!!

Edward running with his eyes closed screaming, "I'm blind, and I'm blind!!" Alice and Jasper running and hitting trees screaming that they love each other thinking they going to die. _Big scary guy_ crying, and hiding behind a tree. I scream and running after Edward also with my eyes closed trying to find him.

"hey, I know I'm hot but you guys are over reacting." Jacob said.

Than he finds some banana leaves and make a _hula hula_ skirt out of it and taking it on.

"Better know?" Everyone came back and breathe out in realise when he covert that "_**ting"**_

"Hey, I know I am hot but where are you going" Jacob asked.

"We don't know, we just followed this mysterious path." We said.

"Wanna join in?" I said.

"Hey, I know I am hot so OK. Jacob followed after Jasper.

Singing again we went deeper and deeper into the dark forest witch wasn't so dark for the vampires and Jacob.

Then we met a little dwarf who was singing the same song that we where singing!

OMG we all said together, then giggling when we said it at he same time and said oou. Shhhh (Hannah Montana style)

The dwarf followed us and said his name was unknown so we all just called him dwarf Unknown.

Dwarf Unknown followed after Jacob. They started a fight but _big scary guy_ said" shut up back there, or we have to turn and go back home".

Everyone was silent until we couldn't bare to not sing, so we started to sing again.

"Hi ho, hi ho we are out to go. Thatatathatatathatatatathaaaa, Hi ho, hi ho we are out to go. Thatatathatatathatatatathaaaa, Hi ho, hi ho we are out to go. Thatatathatatathatatatathaaaa"

Some time later we met a duck. The duck said " kvaaack" and we said "hello"

Then the duck joined us to, it walked behind Dwarf Unknown.

We all got tired of the duck **NOT** knowing the text of ower song. It only said "Kvaaack" so when we got hungry the vampires sucked out the blood and we ate it.

Happily we continued on our way in the mysterious path

Suddenly it started to rain and we all got wet. Accepts Dwarf Unknown, he had a raining coat.

"Hey I know I'm hot but this is cold" Jacob scouted from behind. "I know, I'm freezing to death here. No offense _dead guy_"

" That's cool. I get it the entire time" _dead guy_ answered.

We started to go home so know. Dwarf Unknown was first with Jacob behind him, than Jasper, Alice, Edward, so and me _big scary guy_ holding on to _dead guy._

When we got up to the place we met Dwarf unknown he said goodbye and left us.

Jacob took off where he met us and changed him self into a wear wolf again.

We all continued in the rain until we could see the school again.

There we left _big scary guy_ and _dead guy. _ I sat in the shiny Volvo as we drove home.


	3. The fight

Chapter 3 THE FIGHT!

_Bella is a vampire here.__ And Nessie is born and is around 5 years. Bella is still new born. Like in BD_

"Mhhmmmm…" Nessie said in Emmett's face. "This cake is amazing "

"Wanna taste? No I'm sorry. YOU CAN'T EAT!! "

"Ha-ha, well I am not a little freak who can't run fast like this!" Emmett runs around the house laughing.

"Is that the fastest you can run?" Nessie lifts one eyebrow. "Daddy can run much faster than that."

"But can daddy do this" Emmett said running out and lifts up a house. "I don't think so, NO, hahahahaha"

"I'm not obsessed with blood" Nessie eat some more cake.

You are just… just… just stupid!"

"Who stood up with the wrong foot today. No I'm sorry. YOU DON'T SLEEP EATER! Hahahahahahahaahahahahaahahaaaaaa!!!!! " Nessie laughs an evil laughter.

Emmett gets really angry and throws the cake out the window. " OWWW" someone said.

Nessie throws her last piece of cake at Emmett.

"Stop" Bella comes down to see what is going on there.

"What is this?" Bella looks at Emmett.

"She started it" Emmett pointing at Nessie

"No mommy, he said nasty things to me and throw my cake out the window." Nessie puts op an innocent face and a sweet little baby voice.

"What... NO she... WTF!!!" Emmett gets confused.

"Don't you use that kind of language with my daughter here, did you do that?"

"Yes, but…"

"NO BUTTS!! YOU AND I ARE GONNA TALK!!!! "

"But… Whaaaat?"

Little time and an angry Bella, a confused and angry Emmett and a sweet innocent Nessie later.

"Bella I can explain." Emmett tries.

"Than explain this" Bella pointing at someone dead out side with a cake on him.

"That wasn't… is that cake?"

"Yes, you killed a man with my daughters cake. She had made her own cake and you throw it away.

"Mommy the cake was for you." Nessie comes out crying with fake tears.

"SEE! The cake was special for her and me!"

"She throw cake at me and called me blood obsessed!"

" You ARE blood obsessed. And my daughter did not throw cake, did she?

" No mommy he just said so."

"NOW LEST SEE HOW YOU DEAL WITH SOMEONE, YOUR OWN SIZE!"

" OK, BRING IT ON COW-BELLA!!

"Oh no you didn't!" Bella grasps and snaps her fingers in a "Z" sign.

"Oh yes, I did' it" Emmett puts one hand on his hips and puts his hand up to Bella.

Carlisle, Esme, Alice, jasper, Rosalie and Edward comes out standing in a circle around Bella and Emmett.

"You're fat!" Emmett starts.

"You're stupid!" Bella said.

"You're weak" Emmett snaps.

You're coward" Bella snaps back.

"You're mean" Emmett said.

"You're BAD" Bella shouted.

"You're OLD!!!!!!!" Emmett screams.

"You're OLDER!!!! Bella screams back.

"You're werewolf obsessed!" Emmett said.

"You're blood obsessed!" Bella said

"You're clumsy" Emmett snaps

"Not any more I am." Bella said and then trips in her own feets.

"I mark my point" Emmett laughs.

"YOU'RE HUUUUMAAAAN!!!!!!!!! Bella shouts!

"OHHH!!!!!!!! " everyone grasps!

"I… I… I hate you!" Emmett runs away. And Rosalie follows.

To be continued…

**Authors note:**

**Ok, sorry about this chapter being so late but I had no idea what to write...**

**Hope you did enjoy it ;D**

**More is coming… sooo… and also sorry about my English… If it is a problem just contact me :D**


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